a Friday prayer and a song

While we were at If:Gathering, we had a quiet time of just reflection and prayer and talking to God. I just really felt these words come and this is a prayer I have looked back on just about daily since then. I am asking God to truly walk with me and be with me each second. Cause, well, I need Him (and no DOUBT could not do ANYTHING without him)....which of course makes me think of the song by Matt Maher: "Lord, I need YOU."

In today's reading in my She Reads Truth Lent Devotion, one of the verses is Romans 12:2:

"Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God."

This is that prayer:

Lord,

Please guide each step I take
each thought I think
so YOU will be who people see.
Let them want to know YOU more by my words, thoughts, and actions.
Help me to be humble in all things
and to put YOU above all things. 
Fill all of my days with YOUR presence.
Fill my heart with YOUR love, goodness, and grace. 
I want to focus in on all the things that TRULY matter and forget the rest. 
Guide me in your ways and in your love. 
Speak in ways I can only hear when you are in total control. 

AMEN

My most favorite version is Matt Maher with Audrey Assad: Lord, I Need You

Lord, I Need You

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

My black sweater that I loved

You know when you have that regular old piece of clothing that you wear A LOT. Now, it's not your favorite piece in your closet, not the one you would pick to wear out to dinner with friends or all dolled up with your new favorite Noonday pieces , BUT it's a STAPLE in the wardrobe.

Well, that was my black sweater (that I loved, but did not appreciate) from Target. And.....it disappeared! And I found that I was really really missing it. (Insert Matthew 8:12 -- being thrown into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth). And my wardrobe proceeded to fall apart. I vaguely remember grabbing it to put on later if I got cold, but had no idea where I had left it. It is not fancy (I probably paid $19.99 for it), but it covers all the fashion related bases that the clothes in my closet require. If it's cold (which it has been -- hello winter), it is a must have to wear over the thinner rayon-y type shirts that have become my uniform with black skinny jeans or regular old jeans. If I want to turn a summer shirt into a winter shirt -- black sweater. If I am okay in the morning but it may get cooler as the day/night goes on -- black sweater. Throwing on a t-shirt and jeans -- black sweater. When the olive green puffy vest won't do (my other favorite winter staple) -- black sweater. When I need to connect two pieces that might not quite match -- black sweater (I love my leopard sweater which is becoming a staple, but it just isn't the same kind of pure simple sweater love). I could go on...but simply put, I missed the sweater.

So, if you haven't caught on, I have been in mourning for my black sweater for the past week or more because it seems without it, NOTHING WORKS. My closet has become a giant abyss of nothing because it's too cold and I need my black sweater. And to make matters THE worst EVER, I have given up buying clothing for LENT (Noonday does not count as clothing in my eyes -- gotta help these women provide for their families y'all). Sheesh! And for me, the not buying clothes one is a biggie. I am what you might call a clothes horse. But I am trying to come out of it during this season of Lent. I even cancelled Stitchfix until May for heaven's sake (literally)! So, with that being said, things just got real up in here. It's gonna be hard hard hard because I love clothes...I just do and I'm sorry. It's hard for me to write this, but it has kinda become something that I struggle with (1st world problems, people). I confess, I love the feeling I get from a new shirt or new dress. It's silly, but it is TRUTH. But then here is what God is telling me:

Matthew 6:28-31 (and as I started reading those verses, I decided 25-34 are too good not to focus on with this).

 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Just goodness right there in those verses. Sticking those in my pocket!

Bottom line: I am so much more valuable that the clothes we wear. And look at verse 33, he knows we need them (I could spin this one Rob Yates), BUT (verse 33 that I love and we all know) "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and ALL the THINGS will be given to you as well." All the things...God makes all the things so much more beautiful, including US -- and he doesn't care what we wear. We are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!! I think what He is wanting me to see is that I need to "look to Him first" before thinking I need something new to fill a void. There may be another area where that time and money might be used to glorify Him in a more special way. Because I know that these "things" will be eaten by moths (Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. James 5:2). Probably happening right now in my hall closet. 

So, back to my beloved very special black sweater. I had contemplated just going back to Target and getting a new one because the last time I was in target, they had it. But I thought to myself, this is exactly what God is trying to teach me...I can't do it. Because, well, I am 37 years old, and RESTRAINT!! So I decided my own self (of course with God's gentle leading) that I would not be buying a new black sweater and would have to come to terms with the clothing in my closet and make it work. (BLANK STARES into the tiny but overflowing closet that is built into the wall of my circa 1950s home). 

Well, yesterday after a long run with Stacy, I was putting something in the backseat of my car and what did I see among white pillar candles, candy wrappers, coat hangers, and a library book? 

Drum roll...................................................MY BLACK SWEATER............................................
CUE THE SQUEALS!!! I really did squeal!

A miracle of God had occurred (no joke it was NOT back there yesterday). So my black sweater is back and I learned A LOT from the process! 

Doesn't look like much of anything, but hopefully I have established that even things that don't look or seem important, really are. It truly can (and probably needs to be) the little things. This lesson is transferable from our closets right on over into the much more important area of LIFE! 

Thank you JESUS!! "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with JOY" Psalms 30:11. JOY and, well, my black sweater.

I realize this is a super trivial situation in the grand scheme of bigger life issues, and world problems -- I am well aware, but God has to reach us where we are some days and thankfully he met me in at my closet. Don't you just love it when God does these kind of things? 

Lenten lessons: Mine

It's amazing the timing of God and the way He teaches me -- just opens my eyes. Be it through the mouth of my children (which happens daily, multiple times a day), my husband, my friends, or through personal study (which happens less that I would like to admit, BUT which is what I am working on during this season of Lent) -- and this is where this story takes place. It actually happened the week of the beginning of Lent as I was beginning 2 studies -- SShe Reads Truth's Near the Cross (more on that in another post) and IF:EQUIP - Hebrews. Now let me say that I really don't make a habit of doing 2 studies at once and I kinda thought it was an accident, BUT, our amazing God knew better and He is already showing me what He is wanting me to learn!

But first let me back up and tell on myself. I recently got to experience an awesome weekend shared with some sweet friends called IF:GATHERING, which was a women's retreat including some of my favorite Christan women: Jennie Allen, Jen Hatmaker, new fave Christine Caine, and Angie Smtih -- just to name a few!! It was amazing and filled with so much goodness from the story of Joshua. Mmmmmmm...so so good.

So with IF, first you gather, and next step is IF:EQUIP, which is Bible Study.

I had been so excited about this because I so loved listening to all these speakers bring the words of scripture alive and I had gotten so much from IF: GATHERING! I could not wait to get that first email with the study. So I really felt a sense of disappointment when I got the first email for the Hebrews study from IF and it was the verses ONLY and nothing else. No commentary, no this is what you need to get out of these verses. And I will admit, I am a pray-re and a love-re and an encourage-er, but I am sad to report that I am weak-er (ahem, understatement) study-er. So...the Hebrews study...it's the verses from the Bible (God's holy word, mind you) and below the verses is this statement: "If you believe this is true, what does this mean about God? You? The world?" So I thought to myself, "Where is the rest of the commentary/devotional? This is just the verses!" (I really do shock myself with my just shear neediness.) To which I hear God say to me, "Melanie, What more could you need than my WORD?" Hold up! God? God!!! What in the world is wrong with me?!? God, sometimes you just have to tell it to my face for me to get it. So, after that....WHAT an awesome study it has been for me! Hebrews has spoken to me in many ways and I am so thankful for this study and for a NEW desire (hopefully a habit is forming) for studying God's Word for exactly what it is and how it speaks to ME, what is says about God and our world! There IS a short video with some of the girls from IF kind of introducing the verses which is cool too!

Here is our awesome scripture memory verse this week and my goodness I am just in love with it:

Lenten lesson learned: Truly studying the Bible can be such a Joy -- and it is even sweeter when HE tells ME exactly what HE wants ME to hear and learn from it!!! Don't you just love God when he does things like this?!?! I sure do!!

::Here we go::

About 10 years ago I felt like God told me I would write a book. Hahahahaha! Insert crying laughing emoticon here!! This was before places like blog where one can just write stuff. I digress (already). As an avid reader and thinker (and talker, ahem storyteller), I actually started writing it. If I had about 4 hours to dig through the external hard drive of all the documents pulled off of our old desktop computer, it would be there and would be called something like "Small Town Girl Grows Up," --- I guarantee it had small town in it. My point is although the subject matter probably did have some hilarity to it, it wasn't about anything special. When we moved back to Louisville I couldn't wait to buy the cute sign that said, "The nice part about living in a small town, when you don't know what you are doing, someone else always does!" Still hangs in my kitchen today. And it's funny and true! But I kept getting the feeling there was more to what He had for me to say and it wasn't a story about Louisville, the place, necessarily. I mean our little town is interesting and all but there was a bigger story somewhere, I could feel it.

All that to say, over 10 years, 3 kids, 3 jobs (that have nothing to do with writing) later, I have played around with writing a blog, but in the last several months I have really started wanting to chronicle my daily glimpses and gleanings from what God is teaching me through my family, friends, community (#smalltown #louisville), and just "stuff" that think is fun, interesting, funny, or moving. 

God is all those things ya know. 

FUN: watching my boys playing Upward basketball; getting to watch their personalities and interests develop and grow; getting together with a special group of friends to pray for each other; fellowship with Christian friends be it at church, in our neighborhood, or dinner with friends.

INTERESTING: Reading Bible and seeing a verse in a new light; watching prayers be answered in the most amazing ways; how people are growing the Kingdom through ministries both BIG and small

FUNNY: Reading blog posts from some of my favorite Christian bloggers like Jen Hatmaker; laughing with friends about the new fashion trend of high waisted acid washed jeans -- a reincarnated trend I will be skipping (proof God really does have a sense of humor); praying that I can get through a morning where Larry (Mary Flynn's alter ego who likes to wear Dak Precott jerseys and jeans and "NO BOW MAMA!") wakes up instead of my precious little girl who used to like to wear bows and smocked dresses (lots of prayers to come in the future I'm afraid...I just hope we are still laughing!)

MOVING: sharing in worship service with fellow believers; listening to our choir sing an anthem on Sunday morning; Bro. Mike telling a story on Sunday morning that speaks right to me;  a time of solemn prayer where i can really feel God speaking to right to me.

I see Him working in my life day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute --- because in this small town and wherever this road called life leads, I can gaurantee that if I have no idea what I am doing (and I will mess up A LOT)  there is somebody who does...and its not a person who just wants some juicy tale about who is doing what! It's God...and I just love Him for that! I am so in awe and thankful that HE not only created this whole world, but longs to know everything about me as well!  He is a loving and forgiving God!! #loveyoujesus

You see, it's about what HE wants us to be doing. It's what our HEARTS say about is that is important to HIM. 

The story I had been searching for was HIS story...how He would work through my life and through the lives of others to further His kingdom. Eeeeek! 

I know He is pulling me to do this because it is all I can think about! And I want to and I am so glad it's going to be about Him. Because I know there will be funny stories that will more than likely include glimpses into the small town I call home, but my hope is that it will all come full circle back to His kingdom and how we are learning and growning and loving and leaning onto Him to be better stewards of it!! And living lives full of joy and grace as we go! Because the nice part about living with Jesus, if you don't know what you are doing, HE always does, and it's always so much greater than we could ever imagine!!!