The Lord is MY shepherd...and here I am again!

Here I am again -- staring at this screen, but God is (and has been all year long) telling me to write. To write stories -- true stories of how He is working in my life. And it's a busy life. I've been listing to a lot of things in my car. During this Lent I have given up social media and TV and to be perfectly honest I haven't missed it much. I think that's why I've gotten dialed in to so much media (podcasts, books, etc.) that i can listen to in my car. This is about the only time of day when I'm not technically BUSY. And I KNOW without a doubt that I am going to look back on this Lenten season and remember it. Because I really feel like I have grown. Without the distractions (READ: time wasters) of TV and social media only maybe a few hours of time have passed by when I have accidentally cheated (even God knows I can't go 6 weeks without my beloved Jimmy Fallon), instead of the 5,456,345 that would have passed otherwise.

So what has gotten my attention? Well several things. First, God has put a fire in my heart for His word. I feel lost without seeing something that He is saying to me each and every day. Second, I knew I would need to keep busy so I am involved in not 1 but 2 Bible studies. Both of which are really amazing and teaching me so much. The She Reads Truth Lent study has been my morning quiet time and I have really seen the Bible come alive in new ways. The other study I've been doing at church is Seamless by Angie Smith. This study has been with a group of women at church and has been so refreshing. It's great to be with the body of Christ who love, support, and encourage women.

One big moment happened at the start of my year and it has been such a blessing! Back in January I had the opportunity to visit Passion City Church in Atlanta, GA, while I was in town for work. And all I can say is WOW! What an amazing experience. After parking several blocks away from the church, I began walking with hundreds of other worshipers making their way to the service -- it looked and felt like just a taste of what I imagine getting to heaven will be like. People hurrying to get there, smiling, excited, knowing something great was going to be happening inside. Louie Giglio preached that Sunday morning on Habit, beginning a 7 part series on the subject, which I proceded to follow via podcast and it has truly been life changing. It's wonderful. He also mentioned another sermon series they had done back in the summer called Breath on a Page, and after listening to that series (yet again via podcast...spend a lot of time in the car), I now see the Bible in a whole new way.

I say all of that to say this --- in this fallen world we live in, sometimes, social media and TV (at least in my little bubble) can be major distractions, and take me into this world that is so unfair, unrelenting, unbelievable (hello! Donald Trump is running for president...YIKES), unGodly, really plain ugly! As I have taken some steps out of it over the last several weeks I feel lighter and more joyful knowing (as I read this morning in my She Reads Truth study) that my Shepherd's GOT THIS! He's got this world, ME, my FAMILY, my FRIENDS! Psalms 23 -- which I have heard a billion times -- has a fresh, new meaning. All we have to do is enjoy the green pastures he provides, let Him gently lead and guide us with His rod and staff. Let them comfort me, not scare me.He takes me (daily) to the still waters of His Word (even when life gets crazy). I'm picturing the beach with calm waves lapping in the sand (cue the noise machine wave setting which FYI can be conjured up via an app on your phone). Enjoy His lovingkindness all the days of our life. I am learning His voice a little more each day and can tell when it is a thief or a stranger coming to try and steal it away. So thankful that He is helping me to discern that. My cup overflows with the blessings that He is giving me during this time of what I thought was sacrifice. Boy, was I wrong and I'm so glad He ALWAYS knows what I need! My Shepherd!

Starting back slow:::getting feet wet

here it goes again:::my feeble attempt at blogging.

things that are really encouraging me in my walk right now:

• Louie Giglio's Passion City Church podcast: breath on a page series (from July) as well as the habit series thAt started back in January -- had the privilege of being there in person for the first sermon of the series. Awesome experience! 
•  And speaking of, from the Passion album just released, surrender, by jimi cravity
• She reads truth lent 2016 study -- deep
• Seamless by Angie smith -- doing this with a wonderful group at church!! And it follows right along with breath on a page
• In other news: baseball is back:: YAY!!! It's my favorite time of year to run:: just ran my 3rd New Orleans 1/2 and it was a great run, great weekend, with great friends!!! 

Lenten Lesson: Filters and The Parable of the 100 sins

As I knelt down to pray at the alter last night, God put this word on my heart: Filter. I always truly feel a closeness at that alter. It's the alter where I was confirmed when I was around 12. I was married at that alter and all three of my babies were baptized there. I have been praying at that same alter for the most part of the last 30 years. It's where I have taken proabably 95% of all communions.

God speaks to me at that alter and I feel like the prayer I pray there have a direct line. I can shut the rest of the world out there. It's one of my "places" (the other being my shower) -- quiet and no distractions!

So back to the word He whispered to me: FILTER

Filter has many meanings but the first thing that came to my mind was the filter I can use on Instagram to make myself or whatever is on the other side of that lens look better. Sometime I hide behind these filters to make my life look a little better. Kinda like the woman on Seinfield who would look cute in a certain light and then looked like a man in another light. That's what I feel like most of the time. Sure I am sharing something I see as good and fun, but I am making it seem better than it really is by adding a different light and maybe "blurring out" the not so pretty.

But what God led me to see is that I SHOULD be trying to look at everything around me through HIS filter. For whatever reason I keep thinking about those Elizabethan collars that dog's wear when they have been hurt. If I am conscience about filtering everything through His "lens" if you will, I will more than likely see myself (eek!) as well as others in the way God sees us.

As I take a closer look at the sin in my life, it's not a pretty picture. What I am finding is that I am busying myself with trying to do all the good things that I feel God is calling me to do, but I am totally missing the boat as far as one of the main things he wants me to do, repent. Recognize my sins and ask for forgiveness. The more we recognize and see what our real sins are (the deep ones that I certainly hate to see in myself and don't want to admit), the closer we get to Him. It's such a hard thing to do, but in the experience of doing it, it's freeing, and the closeness is special. And like SO MANY times before, my children show me my weakness (Is it any wonder that Jesus said, "Let the little children come unto me! -- I'm sure they were the start of many a parable.) I guess we could call this, The Parable of the 100 sins.

A few weeks ago on Ash Wednesday, we were leaving the Ash Wednesday service and Rob and I had ash crosses on our heads. The kids could not figure out what in the world was on our head and started asking question. Lots of questions. We tried to explain in elementary terms that Ash Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, which is a time of year where we really try to recognize our sins and repent and begin looking forward to Easter. I told the boys that they needed to start thinking about something that they had done that day that they could ask God to forgive them for. Luke, in his out there and honest way said, "Gosh, I have 100s of sins!" Reed: crickets. When we got in bed to pray that night Luke said, "God forgive me for crying over silly things." Reed said, "God forgive me for pulling on my lip." I gave him a sideways glance and said, "Really?" He said that we are always telling him not to do it but he does it anyway. Me: "Okay, well, hummmm. Let's think a little harder." Out of all the pushes, shoves, harsh words and bad attitudes we had seen from him that day, not one was remembered. Nothing except pulling on his lip. He couldn't recall doing ANY of those things that I mentioned, but his brother sure did.

Romans 2: 3-4 (this was part of She Reads Truth today):
Do you suppose, O man -- you who judge
those who practice such things and yet do them
yourself-- that you will escape the judgement of God?
Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbeanace and patience, 
not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?

Which got me thinking. Gosh -- I hate to admit it, but I am so Reed in this scenario. God is probably getting really tired of listening to me pray and saying to me, "Really, Melanie?" I have gotten really good at putting my own "filter" on my sins (and there are some biggies), with a big smile and making them LOOK pretty, and dressing them up like they are okay (underneath I am the ugly Seinfeld lady). Not seeing what God's wanting me to learn or to grow from "my 100 sins" (this is probably a low ball estimation) because I am too busy seeing sins of others (judging), too busy buying clothes that I don't need (working on that one for sure), being glued to my phone instead of lovin' on my children, comparing my life to the lives of others, neglecting good relationships, putting THINGS over people, putting THINGS (laundry list here) over Jesus. And these are just the ones I can actually write without breaking into a sweat. These are the ones I try to glaze over and not count THEN repent for running that stop sign or not petting the dog (the "lip pulling" sins).

It's so funny, Luke has really been crying LESS about silly things. It could be that his Mimi bribed him with a prize. God uses many tactics to help us grow and change and I don't think he is below a "prize" every now and then! Reed (and his mother) are still working through their sins, especially the ones that they don't want to admit. They are just a little harder to work through and will take a little more time to let it sink in. But along the way, it's going to be a beautiful thing. The remarkable way that God LOVEs for us to come to Him and lay these things at his feet. 

This is an excerpt from She Reads Truth today that hits home here:

The consequences of sin are ugly and painful, and it hurts to look full at the darkness. We grieve our sinful state with honest questions and hot tears and loud lamenting—but this is the kind of godly grief that causes the apostle Paul to rejoice! Not because grief is painless or petty—it is anything but—but because godly grief leads to repentance (2 Cor. 7:9-10).

Friends, we venture into the coming two weeks ready but not ready to face the sin in and among us. We take a somber step forward knowing only a bit of what is to come. But we walk ahead nonetheless because our Savior goes with us. Let us look on our sin, and let us look long at the Cross of Christ. Look to the One who does not avoid our suffering but enters in, who does not despise our brokenness but redeems it.

May our tears of grief lead us to repentance, and may we receive refreshment for our souls.
Amen and Amen!

Sooo....I tell who DOESN'T have a filter (the kind you DO want to have and especially want your children to have....BUT can be honest/precious/endearing sometimes) ---- Luke Yates. Laura Walton shared this with me because he was sitting with them during big church Sunday morning. This is just precious and so Luke and I want to remember it. At the end of the sermon, Bro. Mike said, "Do you love Jesus?" and Luke said out loud, "YES!"

Honesty from the mouth of babes...

The lesson from this parable: My 6-year old Luke recognizes what's up-- who he loves and that his sin is real. I am so thankful that his mother (and his brother for that matter) can learn some mighty good lessons on what to filter, what NOT to, and Whose filter I need to be looking through!

a Friday prayer and a song

While we were at If:Gathering, we had a quiet time of just reflection and prayer and talking to God. I just really felt these words come and this is a prayer I have looked back on just about daily since then. I am asking God to truly walk with me and be with me each second. Cause, well, I need Him (and no DOUBT could not do ANYTHING without him)....which of course makes me think of the song by Matt Maher: "Lord, I need YOU."

In today's reading in my She Reads Truth Lent Devotion, one of the verses is Romans 12:2:

"Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing and perfect will of God."

This is that prayer:

Lord,

Please guide each step I take
each thought I think
so YOU will be who people see.
Let them want to know YOU more by my words, thoughts, and actions.
Help me to be humble in all things
and to put YOU above all things. 
Fill all of my days with YOUR presence.
Fill my heart with YOUR love, goodness, and grace. 
I want to focus in on all the things that TRULY matter and forget the rest. 
Guide me in your ways and in your love. 
Speak in ways I can only hear when you are in total control. 

AMEN

My most favorite version is Matt Maher with Audrey Assad: Lord, I Need You

Lord, I Need You

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

You're my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

My black sweater that I loved

You know when you have that regular old piece of clothing that you wear A LOT. Now, it's not your favorite piece in your closet, not the one you would pick to wear out to dinner with friends or all dolled up with your new favorite Noonday pieces , BUT it's a STAPLE in the wardrobe.

Well, that was my black sweater (that I loved, but did not appreciate) from Target. And.....it disappeared! And I found that I was really really missing it. (Insert Matthew 8:12 -- being thrown into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth). And my wardrobe proceeded to fall apart. I vaguely remember grabbing it to put on later if I got cold, but had no idea where I had left it. It is not fancy (I probably paid $19.99 for it), but it covers all the fashion related bases that the clothes in my closet require. If it's cold (which it has been -- hello winter), it is a must have to wear over the thinner rayon-y type shirts that have become my uniform with black skinny jeans or regular old jeans. If I want to turn a summer shirt into a winter shirt -- black sweater. If I am okay in the morning but it may get cooler as the day/night goes on -- black sweater. Throwing on a t-shirt and jeans -- black sweater. When the olive green puffy vest won't do (my other favorite winter staple) -- black sweater. When I need to connect two pieces that might not quite match -- black sweater (I love my leopard sweater which is becoming a staple, but it just isn't the same kind of pure simple sweater love). I could go on...but simply put, I missed the sweater.

So, if you haven't caught on, I have been in mourning for my black sweater for the past week or more because it seems without it, NOTHING WORKS. My closet has become a giant abyss of nothing because it's too cold and I need my black sweater. And to make matters THE worst EVER, I have given up buying clothing for LENT (Noonday does not count as clothing in my eyes -- gotta help these women provide for their families y'all). Sheesh! And for me, the not buying clothes one is a biggie. I am what you might call a clothes horse. But I am trying to come out of it during this season of Lent. I even cancelled Stitchfix until May for heaven's sake (literally)! So, with that being said, things just got real up in here. It's gonna be hard hard hard because I love clothes...I just do and I'm sorry. It's hard for me to write this, but it has kinda become something that I struggle with (1st world problems, people). I confess, I love the feeling I get from a new shirt or new dress. It's silly, but it is TRUTH. But then here is what God is telling me:

Matthew 6:28-31 (and as I started reading those verses, I decided 25-34 are too good not to focus on with this).

 25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Just goodness right there in those verses. Sticking those in my pocket!

Bottom line: I am so much more valuable that the clothes we wear. And look at verse 33, he knows we need them (I could spin this one Rob Yates), BUT (verse 33 that I love and we all know) "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and ALL the THINGS will be given to you as well." All the things...God makes all the things so much more beautiful, including US -- and he doesn't care what we wear. We are beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!! I think what He is wanting me to see is that I need to "look to Him first" before thinking I need something new to fill a void. There may be another area where that time and money might be used to glorify Him in a more special way. Because I know that these "things" will be eaten by moths (Your wealth has rotted, and moths have eaten your clothes. James 5:2). Probably happening right now in my hall closet. 

So, back to my beloved very special black sweater. I had contemplated just going back to Target and getting a new one because the last time I was in target, they had it. But I thought to myself, this is exactly what God is trying to teach me...I can't do it. Because, well, I am 37 years old, and RESTRAINT!! So I decided my own self (of course with God's gentle leading) that I would not be buying a new black sweater and would have to come to terms with the clothing in my closet and make it work. (BLANK STARES into the tiny but overflowing closet that is built into the wall of my circa 1950s home). 

Well, yesterday after a long run with Stacy, I was putting something in the backseat of my car and what did I see among white pillar candles, candy wrappers, coat hangers, and a library book? 

Drum roll...................................................MY BLACK SWEATER............................................
CUE THE SQUEALS!!! I really did squeal!

A miracle of God had occurred (no joke it was NOT back there yesterday). So my black sweater is back and I learned A LOT from the process! 

Doesn't look like much of anything, but hopefully I have established that even things that don't look or seem important, really are. It truly can (and probably needs to be) the little things. This lesson is transferable from our closets right on over into the much more important area of LIFE! 

Thank you JESUS!! "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with JOY" Psalms 30:11. JOY and, well, my black sweater.

I realize this is a super trivial situation in the grand scheme of bigger life issues, and world problems -- I am well aware, but God has to reach us where we are some days and thankfully he met me in at my closet. Don't you just love it when God does these kind of things? 

Lenten lessons: Mine

It's amazing the timing of God and the way He teaches me -- just opens my eyes. Be it through the mouth of my children (which happens daily, multiple times a day), my husband, my friends, or through personal study (which happens less that I would like to admit, BUT which is what I am working on during this season of Lent) -- and this is where this story takes place. It actually happened the week of the beginning of Lent as I was beginning 2 studies -- SShe Reads Truth's Near the Cross (more on that in another post) and IF:EQUIP - Hebrews. Now let me say that I really don't make a habit of doing 2 studies at once and I kinda thought it was an accident, BUT, our amazing God knew better and He is already showing me what He is wanting me to learn!

But first let me back up and tell on myself. I recently got to experience an awesome weekend shared with some sweet friends called IF:GATHERING, which was a women's retreat including some of my favorite Christan women: Jennie Allen, Jen Hatmaker, new fave Christine Caine, and Angie Smtih -- just to name a few!! It was amazing and filled with so much goodness from the story of Joshua. Mmmmmmm...so so good.

So with IF, first you gather, and next step is IF:EQUIP, which is Bible Study.

I had been so excited about this because I so loved listening to all these speakers bring the words of scripture alive and I had gotten so much from IF: GATHERING! I could not wait to get that first email with the study. So I really felt a sense of disappointment when I got the first email for the Hebrews study from IF and it was the verses ONLY and nothing else. No commentary, no this is what you need to get out of these verses. And I will admit, I am a pray-re and a love-re and an encourage-er, but I am sad to report that I am weak-er (ahem, understatement) study-er. So...the Hebrews study...it's the verses from the Bible (God's holy word, mind you) and below the verses is this statement: "If you believe this is true, what does this mean about God? You? The world?" So I thought to myself, "Where is the rest of the commentary/devotional? This is just the verses!" (I really do shock myself with my just shear neediness.) To which I hear God say to me, "Melanie, What more could you need than my WORD?" Hold up! God? God!!! What in the world is wrong with me?!? God, sometimes you just have to tell it to my face for me to get it. So, after that....WHAT an awesome study it has been for me! Hebrews has spoken to me in many ways and I am so thankful for this study and for a NEW desire (hopefully a habit is forming) for studying God's Word for exactly what it is and how it speaks to ME, what is says about God and our world! There IS a short video with some of the girls from IF kind of introducing the verses which is cool too!

Here is our awesome scripture memory verse this week and my goodness I am just in love with it:

Lenten lesson learned: Truly studying the Bible can be such a Joy -- and it is even sweeter when HE tells ME exactly what HE wants ME to hear and learn from it!!! Don't you just love God when he does things like this?!?! I sure do!!

::Here we go::

About 10 years ago I felt like God told me I would write a book. Hahahahaha! Insert crying laughing emoticon here!! This was before places like blog where one can just write stuff. I digress (already). As an avid reader and thinker (and talker, ahem storyteller), I actually started writing it. If I had about 4 hours to dig through the external hard drive of all the documents pulled off of our old desktop computer, it would be there and would be called something like "Small Town Girl Grows Up," --- I guarantee it had small town in it. My point is although the subject matter probably did have some hilarity to it, it wasn't about anything special. When we moved back to Louisville I couldn't wait to buy the cute sign that said, "The nice part about living in a small town, when you don't know what you are doing, someone else always does!" Still hangs in my kitchen today. And it's funny and true! But I kept getting the feeling there was more to what He had for me to say and it wasn't a story about Louisville, the place, necessarily. I mean our little town is interesting and all but there was a bigger story somewhere, I could feel it.

All that to say, over 10 years, 3 kids, 3 jobs (that have nothing to do with writing) later, I have played around with writing a blog, but in the last several months I have really started wanting to chronicle my daily glimpses and gleanings from what God is teaching me through my family, friends, community (#smalltown #louisville), and just "stuff" that think is fun, interesting, funny, or moving. 

God is all those things ya know. 

FUN: watching my boys playing Upward basketball; getting to watch their personalities and interests develop and grow; getting together with a special group of friends to pray for each other; fellowship with Christian friends be it at church, in our neighborhood, or dinner with friends.

INTERESTING: Reading Bible and seeing a verse in a new light; watching prayers be answered in the most amazing ways; how people are growing the Kingdom through ministries both BIG and small

FUNNY: Reading blog posts from some of my favorite Christian bloggers like Jen Hatmaker; laughing with friends about the new fashion trend of high waisted acid washed jeans -- a reincarnated trend I will be skipping (proof God really does have a sense of humor); praying that I can get through a morning where Larry (Mary Flynn's alter ego who likes to wear Dak Precott jerseys and jeans and "NO BOW MAMA!") wakes up instead of my precious little girl who used to like to wear bows and smocked dresses (lots of prayers to come in the future I'm afraid...I just hope we are still laughing!)

MOVING: sharing in worship service with fellow believers; listening to our choir sing an anthem on Sunday morning; Bro. Mike telling a story on Sunday morning that speaks right to me;  a time of solemn prayer where i can really feel God speaking to right to me.

I see Him working in my life day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute --- because in this small town and wherever this road called life leads, I can gaurantee that if I have no idea what I am doing (and I will mess up A LOT)  there is somebody who does...and its not a person who just wants some juicy tale about who is doing what! It's God...and I just love Him for that! I am so in awe and thankful that HE not only created this whole world, but longs to know everything about me as well!  He is a loving and forgiving God!! #loveyoujesus

You see, it's about what HE wants us to be doing. It's what our HEARTS say about is that is important to HIM. 

The story I had been searching for was HIS story...how He would work through my life and through the lives of others to further His kingdom. Eeeeek! 

I know He is pulling me to do this because it is all I can think about! And I want to and I am so glad it's going to be about Him. Because I know there will be funny stories that will more than likely include glimpses into the small town I call home, but my hope is that it will all come full circle back to His kingdom and how we are learning and growning and loving and leaning onto Him to be better stewards of it!! And living lives full of joy and grace as we go! Because the nice part about living with Jesus, if you don't know what you are doing, HE always does, and it's always so much greater than we could ever imagine!!!